Dear OPPO: What's your craziest auto repair to date?

"TheRallyStache" (bryce-the-hoonigan)
08/17/2014 at 13:57 • Filed to: Auto Repairs

We've all been there. You need your car and it's broken, and you either don't have money for the part, or it's obscure and hard to get, and would take too long to get there. So you get creative.

I personally have two. The first took place just a few days ago. I just replaced both front struts on my wife's Mazdaspeed 3, and while I was working on the passenger side, I noticed the inner CV boot had a small hole from which grease had been leaking. My solution? I pumped the boot with my grease gun, wrapped the boot in saran wrap and secured it in place with zip ties. It will work for now, until I can get a new boot.

The second one is definitely crazy. I once had a B5 Audi A4, and if you know anything about those cars, you know that their control arms go bad about every 15 miles or so. My car randomly started shuddering while driving on the highway, and after inspection I found that one of the sockets where a control arm connects to the hub had fallen off of the ball. I ordered a full control arm kit, but it happened on a weekend and the parts wouldn't arrive until Tuesday or Wednesday. So, I popped the socket back over the ball and wrapped it to the hub with 3 giant zipties. Believe it or not, those zipties held my suspension together without issue until the new parts came in.

So what "There, I fixed it" moments have you had?

DISCUSSION (29)

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > TheRallyStache
08/17/2014 at 14:02

My air suspension was lower on one side than the other. Solution? Trick the body height sensor into thinking I was draggin' ass and force it to inflate the suspension ALL the way, raising the rear of the car up and evening it out side-to-side in the process.

Literally just did this last night.

GeorgeyBoy > TheRallyStache
08/17/2014 at 14:07

There are center console buttons that always get pushed in on my car. After buying a replacement for $60 it still broke. I got furious and just started taping duct tape behind it. It's been good for about 14 months now.

Mike > TheRallyStache
08/17/2014 at 14:07

Prior to buying my Civic, my "real first car", a Buick Park Avenue, liked to break control arms a lot on Michigan roads. I once drove home with a control arm splinted with PVC pipe and duct tape. By some miracle, my suspension didn't suffer a further catastrophic failure, although my pothole-dodging skills were given the test of a lifetime.

McMike > TheRallyStache
08/17/2014 at 14:08

On a road trip in the van once, I started to get a misfire, then eventually went down to three cylinders.

No one has plug wires for these things in stock. As long as I have had these vans, I've had to order them.

They have a long, metal boot, and the wire has failed at the top part of the boot. In the next parking lot I spit the boot and found the broken part. On the ground, I found a short broken bolt end (about the size of a pencil eraser) and crammed it into the boot where the break was. After closing the boot and wrapping it up tight with wire (Also found in parking lot), it worked for another 6 months.

aberson Bresident of the FullyAssed Committe > TheRallyStache
08/17/2014 at 14:14

HVAC tape to fix an exhaust leak

norskracer98-ExploringTheOutback > TheRallyStache
08/17/2014 at 14:15

Uh I helped replace OEM shocks with Bilsteins on my grandfathers truck. We haven't had anything crazy happen.

jariten1781 > TheRallyStache
08/17/2014 at 14:16

Drove about 100 miles after my throttle pedal bracket completely sheared off. Tied some twine to the throttle cable and operated it by hand.

Conan > TheRallyStache
08/17/2014 at 14:32

Temporary muffler reattachment with computer solder and coat hangers.

Unable to remove old battery or afford tow so left battery in and connected the battery cables to spare battery strapped to hood while limping car slowly to cousin's garage.

claramag, Mustaco Master > TheRallyStache
08/17/2014 at 14:33

Center bolt fell out of my rear diff when driving because the thread lock didn't hold; locked up the rear end, shattered a few spider gears and damaged the pumpkin. Spider gears were easy enough to replace at the junkyard, but the pumpkin was so badly bent it was hitting the pinion gear and wouldn't rotate. So I shoved a prybar between the driveshaft and rear diff coupling unit and hammered it hard enough so the pumpkin bent back against the pinion. That gave me enough clearance to fully rotate the rear but it was still hitting against the pinion. So I reassembled the rear, jacked it off the ground, started up the engine, revved to 3.5k and dropped the clutch. Pumpkin metal is weaker than gear metal, so i was able to tear up enough of the pumpkin to give me clearance to drive. Worked for 4-5 months till I got a new LSD rear end underneath.

And that is how you fix shit the Jeremy Clarkson way

claramag, Mustaco Master > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
08/17/2014 at 14:34

"Fuck you, computers. I am your master"

Jeremy Bloyd-Peshkin > TheRallyStache
08/17/2014 at 14:35

Oh, man. I have a whole list of these.

Both of my exhaust pipes broke during a road rally, causing my muffler to fall off. I re-attached everything with safety wire and strips of soda can slathered in red RTV.

I had a tie rod fail completely (right wheel just flopping around) at 9 PM the day before I had a job interview. I took a scrap of steel bar, drilled and tapped the end, and put in some scrap rod ends. Bolted the whole thing back together. I still have that tie rod in my car. It's out-lived three left tie rods and one center link.

Two of my sway bar links are made of scrap titanium tubing with end caps welded on and rod ends threaded in.

My driveshaft is 75% 5-series, 25% 3-series. Welded together. This causes some vibration because it isn't perfectly balanced. I remedied this by putting on hose clamps and rotating the tightening screws around to act as weights to balance the whole thing out.

I once ran an autocross with 195/75/14 tires with single-ply sidewalls. They deformed so much the left rear de-beaded. I re-beaded it with a harbor freight 12v air compressor and some good luck.

After my hood latch broke, I tied my hood down with rope. I drove like that a good 5k miles before finally installing hood pins.

I have more if anyone's interested, those are just off the top of my head. My goal is to advance bodging to an art form.

claramag, Mustaco Master > Conan
08/17/2014 at 14:35

I once held a muffler up with an old belt. Worked for a week. Father kept suggesting bent up coat hangers but i was like mehhhhhh

(does...does this sound like i'm trying to one up you? I'm not, i swear)

claramag, Mustaco Master > GeorgeyBoy
08/17/2014 at 14:37

Ever considered tearing open the dash and splicing in a simple on/off switch or similar button, or is the wiring too complicated?

claramag, Mustaco Master > jariten1781
08/17/2014 at 14:37

this is great. fuck i love the idea of hand operated throttle

Conan > claramag, Mustaco Master
08/17/2014 at 14:54

Ha, no, I'm just impressed. Lasted longer than the 2 days the solder/hanger Pontiac did!

Zipppy, Mazdurp builder, Probeski owner and former ricerboy > TheRallyStache
08/17/2014 at 14:57

gluing back the ABS reluctor ring with Threadlock.

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > jariten1781
08/17/2014 at 15:03

That is badass.

mazda616 > TheRallyStache
08/17/2014 at 15:20

Someone who had my car before me used to yank the undercarriage splash guard down to get to the oil filter, instead of taking the guard off like you're supposed to. This created a hole in the passenger side wheel well, which let rocks, dirt and mud hit my serpentine belt. I replaced the belt and then cut a piece of plastic off of an old oil jug to patch the hole. Zip tied it in and it has held for three years. Beats paying over a hundred bucks for a new guard.

wabbalosthiskey > TheRallyStache
08/17/2014 at 15:49

I was in the middle of nowhere on my Rhino (carb'd) when the fuel pump gave out; it was a vacuum-operated pump in basically a return-style configuration. Pulled the line from the pump off the regulator and put it right to the carb. Pulled the return line going back to the tank off at the regulator (which was long enough to reach me in the driver's seat). I would blow into it every 5-10 seconds, pressurizing the tank just enough to force fuel up to the carb and drove it back to safety. Converted to electric pump once i caught my breath.

NotUnlessRoundIsFunny > TheRallyStache
08/17/2014 at 15:54

Repairing the side mirror on my date's Jetta with blue nylon rope and a pizza cutter from the closest store. The rope matched the car color, and the pizza cutter was pretty much the only sharp thing they had to cut the rope.

NotUnlessRoundIsFunny > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To
08/17/2014 at 15:55

That is damned smart.

TheRallyStache > Mike
08/17/2014 at 16:11

As a fellow MI resident, I share your pain in this matter.

fhrblig > TheRallyStache
08/17/2014 at 16:20

On my old Chevrolet Celebrity, the outside door handle failed. It could still be opened from the inside, so I left it alone for a couple years. Then the inside broke. I wanted to at least fix the inside handle, but could only take the door panel off if the door was open. What to do? I took a hedge clipper to the panel, cutting a hole near the handle so I could just reach through and yank the bar connected to the release. It still only opened from the inside, but at least I didn't have to slide across the bench seat anymore.

1.21 JIGGA WATTS!!! > TheRallyStache
08/17/2014 at 17:38

While in high school ('07), I was driving my parents '83 Chevrolet Silverado with a single cab and 8 ft box. This truck was old, three different transmissions put in it to get it running again, and got terrible gas mileage (something like 17 miles ate a 1/4 OF A 18 GALLON TANK). Old school red (faded red to be exact) with the silver stripe down the side. Electric windows that took 30 seconds to roll down and 2 minutes to roll up and the front quarter windows that were virtually impossible to open.

Anyways, got off work and was driving across town before headed home. Rainstorm starts. I mean the shit-pounding storms that roll off of the Rockies and pound you with an inch of rain in an hour. I turned on my windshield wipers and they went up.......and stayed there. Irrational panic set in.

I scrounged around and found old baling twine wrapped up in the truck. I proceeded to roll down both of my windows, feed the twine through, and tie to the wipers. I spent the next 8 miles in the rain driving home, 1) pushing the windshield wiper button to activate the wipers, 2) pulling on the twine to help out of both windows, 3) and driving with my knee while using my other leg for gas/brakes.

I was doing this: http://cdn.arwrath.com/1/149475.gif

in this style of truck, but older: http://i1.squidoocdn.com/resize/squidoo…

FriskyDingo > TheRallyStache
08/17/2014 at 18:53

83 S10 stupid plastic clutch pedal gear thingy went.Cable clutch so i unbolted the pedal , braced my 2 feet on the floor and gave it all i had to get the clutch to work, then had to hold it with one hand and shift, then let it out to a nice BANG!

95 Olds Royale LS belt snapped put a little hole in the radiator, fixed it with bondo and sold the car.The bondo never failed!

GeorgeyBoy > claramag, Mustaco Master
08/18/2014 at 01:55

Too complicated. Has about 4 buttons on the module. Cheap Ford plastics.

claramag, Mustaco Master > GeorgeyBoy
08/18/2014 at 08:53

ew ford electronics. Horrible flasback time, scuse me while i go forget

MrMerkur > TheRallyStache
08/18/2014 at 10:44

Stripped a spark plug bung on a 4.6L 3 valve Ford head. Bought a new spark plug, and JB welded in place. It still runs three years later.

Lost a shift linkage on my Mk1 Rabbit on the free way, so I jammed it in 3rd, and drove it 20 some odd miles to a friends house, where I "rebuilt" it using bits of coat hanger, misc. bolts/nuts and duct tape. Lasted me the week until new parts came in.

Bluecold > claramag, Mustaco Master
08/19/2014 at 07:44

Alfa 105 series had hand operated throttle. Colossally bad idea.